Something beautiful
I’ve had a beautiful evening. A dear ex-flatmate who now lives a long way away phoned up this evening for a chat before a couple of my most treasured friends appeared on the doorstep to tell me they’d got engaged.
It was just beautiful, made all the sweeter having shared the years of journeying it took to get to this point. It wasn’t a moment for detail, but one of joy, simply the celebration of something inherently beautiful.
I have been blessed with friends. People who know and understand me, friends with whom I have a history, people I can unashamedly share my passions, joys, disappointments and struggles with. God has shown me such favour in giving me these people and I thank God for them.
Dying well
At the moment i’ve all four of my grandparents still living. Very soon there’ll be one less. Grandpa is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer about 6 weeks ago and given 4-6 weeks. I’ve been back quite a few times over the last month or so to say goodbye, but this time was almost certainly the last.
Even sitting is now weary and a quarter cup of tea has become too heavy to hold, his weariness is acute. Inspite of the separation which we will grieve, it is beautiful, Grandpa is dying well. God has been so merciful and gentle. He is at peace and in very little pain. Death holds no fear leaving him and Grandma are able to enjoy his final days.
He will soon be free, free from physical blindness, free from his mind which has become increasingly prone to forgetfulness, free from the weariness. With heaven awaiting this is not a moment to despair nor dread. After 27 years in the dark, what a moment it will be, when his gaze meets his Maker’s beaming smile as he’s welcomed by name into the eternal Kingdom.
I am the fruit of his faithfulness to the Lord and I thank God for Him. He has run his race boldy and is finishing well. His life is worthy of celebrating. My earnest prayer is that God provide me the grace to do the same.
I know death seems to carry a striking poignancy regardless of how prepared one is. I wonder how i’ll feel afterwards.
A few months ago:
With Zander, while he could still walk:
The last day that I saw him:
Jimmy vs A roaring lion: Round 1
This morning I felt seriously very crap and didn’t want to go to work. Next weeks small group discussion is spiritual warfare, if this is meant to be prep, fair enough but it sucks.
I lied yesterday, I spoke too much (Proverbs 10:19), I gossiped, I interrupted, I was proud, I was rude, I made jokes at others expense, not to mention the assortment of sinful hideousness which ran riot through my mind. A fairly typical day. It may not have been obvious to others, but was to me.
The condemnation is incessant, so intense. The devil has my head in his jaws and is thrashing me around like a rag doll, resistance seems pointless, he is right after all, i messed up, i always mess up. His knowledge of me is bettered only by God. He knows my insecurities, my vulnerabilities and weaknesses and tailors his assault accordingly. There are no laws in this conflict, he doesn’t play clean. His tactics are designed for maximum effect. He has no sympathy for my feelings and will show no mercy. His obsession is to extinguish the name and glory of God and he’ll start by looking to tear down and nullify the likeness of Jesus being built into my life through the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit.
He attacks the essence of who I am, the creature Gods crafted, my God-given personality and God-given gifts, everything. Doubting my usefulness to everyone, it makes me want to hide. I look at myself and am rightfully ashamed.
Sinning goes against everything that I desire to be as a man of God, fact, and it hurts. However, on closer inspection, this isn’t the thing that hurts the most. Sadly, what hurts more is the prospect of my sin being exposed, and for those around me to see my true fallen state and foolishness. Somethings wrong with that and once again misplaced shame exposes an idol, one that goes way back, my fearing of man over God and elevating reputation for my own glorification.
ok, so the devil threw the most punches in round 1. He condemned me, floored me, starved me of hope and for a time succeeded in keeping my eyes focussed on my sin. However with some truth brought alive by the Holy Spirit we’re about to kick his ass!
I like Blackford Hill
I wander up blackford hill fairly regularly sort of, just to get away and have some time to myself.
Last Sunday it was a bit grey:
Last June it was less so:
(they’re my knees by the way, it was warmer back then)
Radical living: who do I want to be?
Simon woof woof yesterday laid down again a fresh call for us to be people who pursue the kingdom of God radically.
Emotions are so easily swayed by environment and circumstances, compared to character which is substantial and enduring, and so for me, I think the issue isn’t so much “what am I going to do?” but rather “who am I aspiring to be?” and “where is my treasure?”. I’m inclined to think that radical living begins in our hearts, on our knees, and that as we spend time with a God who transforms hearts, that our “doing” will become increasingly instinctive and importantly sustainable. I was reminded of a post I spewed out a while ago (though only made it to the draft phase) as I thought about the man I aspire to (and by God’s grace) become.
A man of discipline and integrity, who is honorable, courageous and without reproach. A man who loves radically and indiscriminately, someone who reflects God’s character towards all those who cross my path. I want God to be glorified, for the world to acknowledge Him as king and creator, and to enjoy the relationship made possible through Jesus.
I want to be a man who is committed to good habits and wise disciplines. I want to read more books, I want to get through my bible steadily and for it to be of greater influence in my life than it is at the moment. I want to hear God’s voice with greater clarity. I want my every moment to be an acknowledgment of Him. I want to know Him better, and to see my circumstances the way He does. I want greater conviction for what is right and what is wrong, and in light of the freedom God’s given me I want to throw off everything that hinders, to run my race tenaciously and endure suffering. I want my life to be defined by holiness, not happiness. I want to focus my energy and align my will towards obeying him. I want to finish well and to never lose hope.
I want to learn to hate the sin that wars against my soul. I’m weary of its numbing effect upon my convictions and of the indifference it brings. I want to learn what it means to trust God and to not be afraid. I want to be courageous.
Aspiration is a good thing, but the truth is, I can’t do any of it. I can’t hasten my sanctification through keeping a series of rules and avoiding a list of “do nots”. Instead I must let grace to teach me and embrace the free gift of righteousness God has already given. I need to learn more of what it means to remain in the love God has lavished upon me. To surrender my all to a king who is sovereign, who is for me and who knows my every detail in ways I cannot comprehend.
I want to run in the path of His commands… to enjoy the relationship I have. I dedicate myself joyfully into his service for His purposes… that place of true freedom, and rest for my soul. God’s glory belongs, and must remain with Him, I don’t want any of it.
Jesus has given me life… and I want to live it. I know I will never be alone.
The greatest commandments
Choosing to love people will rarely be easy – one way or another it will always cost us something… but God’s agenda for us is to love… it will define us as disciples… so fundamental and yet how quick I am to forget… :(
Mathew 22:37-39
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
G. K. Chesterton
“Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.”
Amy Carmichael
“You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving.”
Plumb – Phobic
Some lyrics from a track called “Phobic”. The song it communicates God’s grace and gentleness in such a special way – its really beautiful.
I watched you sit alone
I watched you cry your eyes out
Now tell me what you’ve doneIs it so bad that
I would shut you out
And leave you here aloneYes, I saw what you did
I was right there with you
I won’t let you sink
No, I forgive youPhobic
Don’t be
Grace needs a little more freedom
Phobic
Don’t be
Love needs room to breatheI have watched you grow
And I’ve stood in your shadow
I’ve never walked awayI hung the stars and
I hold your heart
So, don’t ever be afraidYes, I know when you breathe
And I feel when you need
I won’t let you sink
No, I forgive youYou can be healed
You can be free
You can know peace
Never be afraid again
Image mosaic
I stumbled across this mosaic generator a few days ago. You upload an image and it’l build a mosaic representation of it using images available on flickr… quite cool…
To fish or not to fish
Matt 4:19 “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men”
Now it came to pass that a group existed that called themselves fishermen and there were many fish in the waters about them. In fact, the whole area was surrounded by streams and lakes and the fish were hungry. Week after week and month after month and year after year the group that called themselves “fishermen” met in meetings and talked about those called to fish, the abundance of fish, and how we might go abount fishing. Year after year they carefully defined what fishing meant, defending fishing as an occupation, and declared that fishing be the primary talk of fisherman. These fisherman built large beautiful buildings for local fishing headquarters and their plea was that everyone should be a fisherman and that everyone should fish. However, the one thing they did not do, they did not fish!
In addition to meeting regularly these men determined to send out fishermen to places where there were many fish. This sending committee was headed by those who had great vision and had courage to speak about fishing and to promote the idea of fishing in far away streams and lakes, held meetings to define fishing, to defend fishing, and to decide what new streams should be thought about. But the one thing the staff and the committee members did not do, they did not fish!
Large, elaborate training centers were built whose original and primary purpose was to teach fisherman how to fish. Over the years, courses were offered on the needs of the fish, the nature of the fish, how to find fish, and the psychological effects of fishing. Those who taught had doctorates in ‘Fisheology’! But the teachers did not fish! They only taught about fishing.
Further, the fishermen built large printing houses to publish fishing guides. Presses were kept busy day and night to produce material solely devoted to fishing methods. A speaker’s bureau was also organized to schedule special speakers on fishing. After one stirring meeting entitled ‘The Necessity Of Fishing’, two young men left the meeting and actually went fishing and one of them actually caught two fish! He was honored for his great catch and was scheduled to appear at all the big meetings to tell how he did it. So he quit fishing in order to have time to tell his experiences to the other fishermen!
Now it is true that many fisherman sacrificed and put up with all kinds of difficulties. Some lived near the water and had to put up with the smell of dead fish. Some had to endure the ridicule of some who made fun of these fishermen’s because they claimed to be fisherman but they did not fish.
And they wondered about those who thought it was of little use to attend meetings and talk about fishing. I mean, after all, were they not following the Master who said, “Come and I will make you fishers of men”? Imagine their chagrin when someone actually suggested that they were not really ‘fishermen’. Yet it did make sense. Can we rightfully call a person a fisherman if year after year he never catches a fish?
Author Unknown
Cold sure, but not that cold
Took this last Sunday night. The utility bills testify to rising fuel prices, and sure we’ve opted for a jumper approach but the flats not been that cold. I think the fact that its Dave’s hat might have something to do with it…
